Life will never be the same

I always thought that I would go through life without the pain of losing a close and dearly loved family member!! I have often thought how hard it would be to lose my husband or one of my children (I think it's a fear for everyone.... to lose someone close to them) But I had never put much thought into losing a sister!!! And one of a set of twins.... I was blessed to grow up in a house full of brothers... I was the youngest of 4 children and the only girl! So as anyone can guess I grew up playing outside, being a tom-boy (was there another option with 3 older brothers?) playing he-man action figures, getting dirty, doing anything I could just to fit in and be able to play with my brothers... When I was a senior in high school going 18 years without having a sister, I was blessed with 2!!! We got custody of twin little girls! They were 1 year old at the time and the minute we got them I fell in love with them!! I had waited so long to have a sister, let alone have 2 sent to me!!! :) For many years, I would be a big part of their life as much as they were a big part of mine!!!
Fast-forward 14.5 years.... on July 13th 2011, it was an ordinary day! Justine and Jentri had decided to have a friend come up from Roosevelt ( a town an hour away where we used to live for years!) and have a sleep over! They got back with Halie and were having a typical night! I went over to their house and they had just gotten done playing a game with Aunt LaRae when Justine said " Jaime, I think we should play apples to apples!" And I said "well I would love to but Dave has the kids at home so if I have any chances we need to do it at my house!" Justine was so excited and said "well, can you talk mom into letting us go to your house then" and I said "sure" so I did, and they were able to come..... We played apples to apples up until almost 10:15 that night, when Halie got sick! We were going to play another game, but decided we better take them home because Halie just wasn't feeling well at all! So I took them home and dropped them off and said goodbye! Little did I know that I would receive a phone call less than 2 hours later that would change my life FOREVER!!!
I was asleep when I heard my phone vibrating... I woke up to see that my aunt LaRae was calling so I answered it and her son, (my cousin) Andrew was on the line and said "Jaime, this is Andrew, your mom and Jentri just ran out the door saying your dad and Justine have been in an accident!" And then his phone lost signal, so I jumped out of bed, got my clothes on, and told Dave.... and I ran down the stairs to get in the car. I knew that if my mom had gotten in her car that it couldn't be too far away. So I was driving and on the way stopped to pick up Andrew! We headed towards the accident and the whole way there, I knew that it was a bad one... and I just knew that my dad would be dead when we got there! After pushing past the man who was stopping traffic we came upon the scene! I jumped out of the car, and ran over to the ambulance, my mom showed up and said your dad is in the ambulance! I said ok but was confused because I was sure he was going to be gone when I got there. I asked where Justine was and my mom said "Jaime..... Justine is gone!" I yelled "NO, NO, NO, she can't be mom, where is she..... have someone give her a blessing, it's not her time to go!"! There was a cop there that was a good friend and I begged him to go give her a blessing! He solemnly shook his head no and I think I began to lose it, so he grabbed me and hugged me tight! At that point my mom said... Jaime, go back to the car and take Jentri home, you be strong for Jentri! So I did! We went back home and the only thing I can say is we have been in a dream ever since!!!
My mind is still trying to wrap my head around what happened and the events that transpired and how to find comfort in a time of such lonliness and pain! I don't even begin to know how to live life without her! I am so grateful for the fact that Jentri is still with us! But it will never be the same without Justine.... and no one knows that more then her twin sister Jentri! I have alot of pain, hurt and anger, but it probably pales in comparison to what Jentri is feeling!
After this tragedy, I think the only thing I can decide to reach for is HOPE... hope that I can live the way I need to, to be able to return to my heavenly father and see Justine again! Hope, that each day we wake up without her here we can find a way to cope, hope that with time we won't forget her voice, her laugh, her love, her beauty..... hope that, no matter how hard or dark the days may be, that we will always bring ourselves to look on the bright side, to remember the days we had with her, to remember how much she loved to laugh, to remember that there WILL BE a glorious day when we reach out to meet and hug her again!! Hope that on the other side of things, she is awaiting our arrival with joy and happiness..... that we will understand the heart breaking pain we had to go through and it will all make sense and we can see things through a different light, through a clarity only found within heaven's walls.... And Hope that one day, we will all be together again.... wrapped in the arms of His love!!!